What you'll have by the end of this walkthrough
Give it about fifteen minutes today. By the end you'll have your real custody pattern on the calendar for the year, Today showing whose day it is and the next handoff, and a QR or link ready for your co-parent — who never pays and never creates an account.
You'll need:
An iPhone with Alternate installed (https://culi.app/apps/alternate/)
Your pattern (week on / week off, 2-2-3, every other weekend with a midweek evening, 2-2-5-5, 3-4-4-3, or a custom 14-day cycle)
The start date of the next block and who has the children that day
Optional: school holidays and the handoff time you already use
Your first session
1. Open Alternate and start solo
There's no account wall. Alternate is built for a glance, not a setup marathon. You can generate your own year before anyone else joins. If your co-parent isn't ready yet, that's fine — the calendar stays useful as a private source of truth until they are.
2. Set the pattern once
Choose the pattern that matches your arrangement. Each option shows as a strip of colored blocks so you can see the rhythm before you commit. Tell Alternate when the next block starts and who has the children that day, set the handoff time, and add first names.
On supported devices you can paste the schedule section of a parenting plan and confirm what Alternate reads on-device nothing is sent away. If the read is wrong, pick the pattern manually. Under about ninety seconds, the year is generated.
3. Check Today before you do anything else
Today should answer three questions without scrolling: whose day it is, which children are with them, and when the next handoff is. Underneath, the next two weeks sit one day per line. Most sessions in Alternate are open, glance, close — if Today feels wrong, fix the pattern anchor rather than editing random days.
Making the year honest
4. Layer holidays and exceptions on top
Eid, Christmas, summer blocks, a grandparent's birthday: add a name, a day or range, who has the children, and whether it repeats every year or alternates years. Exceptions sit on top of the pattern without rewriting it. An accepted swap beats an exception. Use notes for context ("school play, 5 PM") when a day needs explaining without changing ownership.
5. Invite when you're ready
Open Household Invite co-parent and show the QR or send the link. They install Alternate, add their name, and see the same schedule. They are never shown a purchase button for a household they didn't create. One subscription unlocks the household; nobody pays twice.
6. Practice one swap the calm way
When plans shift, request a swap from Schedule: the day you're giving, optionally the day you want back, plus a short note. Your co-parent sees both dates in the colors they would become before accepting. Unanswered requests expire at 8 PM the evening before — nothing hangs forever. Once accepted, both calendars update.
Living with it week to week
7. Export to the calendar you already use
Add to Apple Calendar writes the next twelve months into an "Alternate" calendar and replaces the previous export instead of duplicating events. Share an .ics when a school, grandparent, or Outlook user needs the same year. Re-export after holidays or swaps so everyone stays aligned.
8. Use Count as counts, not a scoreboard
Count shows days with each parent by month and year as integers drawn from the pattern, exceptions, and accepted swaps. There are no percentages, streaks, or celebrations. That neutrality is deliberate: Alternate is a schedule, not a ledger of who "won" the month.
The mistake most people make: editing days instead of editing the source
It's tempting to "fix Tuesday" by hand. Don't. Change the pattern, the exception, or the swap that created the day. Alternate keeps a single reason under each day so the calendar stays honest — and so you don't invent a private spreadsheet again.
FAQ
Does my co-parent have to pay or create an account?
No. They join by QR or link, add a name, and see the same schedule. No email, no password. One parent's subscription covers the household.
What if the app disagrees with our court order?
Your order wins. Alternate is a scheduling tool, not legal advice. If anything conflicts with the order or parenting plan, follow the order.
Can siblings follow different patterns?
Yes. Give each child their own pattern when needed. Today shows a row per child; holidays and swaps can target one child or all of them.
Is there a free tier?
Setup, pairing, one child, and the next 60 days are free with no time limit. A subscription unlocks the full year, holidays/exceptions, swaps, export, and the assistant seat.
This article was drafted with AI assistance and reviewed by a human editor before publishing.